The Great Indian Wedding...

Weddings are such a complicated affair, aren't they? Months of planning, huge expenditures, attention to details, blah blah blah... When Sandeep and I decided to get married 6 months ago and the marriage date was fixed as march 7th, there was still so much time then. Everyone was taking it easy. I don't mean to say that we procrastinated and now there's a shortage of time. It's just that the intricacies of planning a marriage did not come to the fore up until now. And now that we've begun planning, i find myself completely disagreeing with the concept of the marriage function in India. It's just a big waste! What should be a nice simple family gathering turns into a huge affair wherein the most important people, the bride, bridegroom parents of both the bride and bridegroom are stressed out.

Incessant meetings with people on stage with lights glaring at our faces. That's the first thing that scared me. I have absolutely no stage fright, but standing under those lights for a minute in the choultry made me shudder at the prospect of spending hours up there with additional lights from the cameras. It's blinding! And then there'd probably be more meetings on the next day with those who couldn't make it to the reception. This after following all rituals and sitting in front of the homa. I pity the bride. The men have it easy no? One panche and shalya. But us, the women. OMG! First there's that heavy silk saree. And then the jewellery. And then the hair and flowers. Enjoyable but only to an extent.

You know what i enjoyed a lot? My engagement. Simple family affair. My biggest wish right now would be to have just those many people for my wedding. Ok fine, 100 more. Will do!

I have a huge problem with standing for 300+ photos on the day of the reception. First, i'll me meeting people i haven't met in years and wouldn't be meeting for years after. And it would go without saying that i wouldn't remember them, so i'd have to pretend to remember them. And then pictures with them. Here's a question. Do we care if we take a photo with them or not? Here's another one. Do they care if they have a photo taken with us or not? Answer to both is no. I honestly don't. Brutal honesty, but i really don't. I'd look at pics with family and friends for hours but the rest is just not something i'm bothered about. I have been to many weddings and have stood with the bride and groom (whom i wouldn't remember or know) for a photo. You think i would show any interest in seeing it? Unless it's the wedding of a close relative or friend, it wouldn't matter. And deep within your heart, you don't care if you see your pics at those weddings you've been to as well ;)

It's all a massive waste. Now here's an interesting situation. Most people's wedding would have been a traditional big one. My mum's friend's wedding was simple. How simple, you ask? Lets see. Head count = Bride + groom + parents and close family of both. All head to a temple, exchange garlands, follow what ever small rituals are there and thats is. Badhaai ho, time. :) Now 10 years later, put this couple next to another couple who had a big wedding and tell me if the grandeur of the wedding actually made a difference. Marriage is a celebration of togetherness, of acceptance of each other, of wanting to look forward to a life together. Not how big the function was, how many food items were served, what kinda sweets, who wore what clothes and all those trivial trappings...

Save the money people. Spend it on the Newly Wed's honeymoon instead. Now THAT's a good idea ;)

Ah... If all wishes came true, i'd be on my way to exploring the universe. :) But it seems i have to go through this. Well, parents are charged up. Both Sandeep's and mine. We'd be the happiest people when we see the pride and joy in their eyes. And not to forget our families who probably can't stop talking about the wedding and all the girls who would be planning what to wear. We love them all! So cheers to the Indian Marriage. Bring on the laadus... Teehee!

We are like this wonly....

All this while i was under the impression that if one is late to a class, you don't go and occupy a place right ahead. However, i was proved totally wrong by this person in today's gym class. 5 minutes into the class, when workout had begun, this woman walks in, stands right in front of me and starts off. So either I momentarily turned invisible or that lady left her brains at home.

Or is this just the usual behaviour of the average Indian? We are famous for these things aren't we? Impunctuality, disrespect for another's space, etc.. I guess everyone in the world, not just Indians, are sometimes proven guilty of these things but it's probably more prevalent in our country. Neither I nor you are exempt from this.

And there is a definite reason behind this woman's behavior. The common assumption that everything belong's to 'ME'. 'Me' being a reference to the individual. Everything can be tweaked to one's convenience, that one can get what one wants, that everything can be bought, so on and so forth. As we say here, 'Swalpa Adjust maadi'. It's such a common phrase, often written about as well. Perhaps this girl thought that for some reason it would give me unbounded  happiness to adjust for her in class. Or it just didn't make a friggin' difference to her as long as she was comfortable.

And this feeling extends into so many other situations, oft experienced by everyone. Joining a friend in line despite 20+ people standing behind the friend. Conductors taking 2rs without issuing a ticket of 3rs just so that he'd make 2 bucks and the commuter would save 1rs, and the commuter would probably not refuse coz he/she saves a rupee. Autorickshaw drivers 'fixing' the meters so that it shows more than minimum fare for less than minimum distance and then fighting righteously for it. Yes, i have sometimes jumped a queue but that was so long ago and i've stopped since. I have asked for a ticket despite being tempted with a rupee being saved and fought pretty badly with autorickshaw drivers when they have overcharged. But i probably still do falter sometimes...

Guess Russel Peters is correct, Indians are just plain lazy. We don't like waiting, we like the easy way out even if it means cheating and causing inconvenience to someone else. It would've taken a very little amount of conscience on that girl's part to graciously stand behind but guess she lacks it.

And how many other occurrences? Over-taking from the left and then arguing that they are right in spite of causing a dent on another's vehicle, dismantling railway tracks to steal the steel, stealing power from power lines in remote areas, billing things twice at local food provision stores... The list can go on and on with these petty little things. Why is it that most people think that everything in the world, natural or man made is their property?

I also agree that not everyone is like this. However, it is also true that there are more of these wrong-doers in comparison. The GenNext (you and me), is a changed lot you say? I agree, only partly. I wouldn't say lack of education is the reason. There are many people who have a degree but would still take things for granted. It's awareness that's required. A large part of us are in other countries and follow the rules of the country we live in to the T but we refuse to apply the same ideology when we return to our own country. We would never honk in another country or speed up or break other traffic rules there. But what happens when we return, we break rules, we squeeze our vehicle inbetween 2 others just to get slightly ahead. There are few, very very few of those would be sticklers to rules. Sadly they get cursed at when they do so by the rest of the traffic. It's like that same old corruption story, as long as you're in the system you HAVE to be corrupt. Similarly, as long as you are in traffic you HAVE to break the rules. :)

It's high time we stopped calling the government employees corrupt. No I am not going on the same lines of 'Stop bribing to eliminate corruption'. To bribe, we have to get to the govt. office. And to get there, we have to cross traffic and stand in line awaiting our turn. And i bet most people lose the battle when they break traffic rules and jump queues. You don't even have to get to the govt. official. And when you do, don't look at him as if he's guilty. Coz we are just as corrupt as he is, albeit in a slightly different way.

I opine that our battle against this word 'corruption', a defunct system, has to start at our homes, streets, buses... Stop indulging in these tiny little acts as they go a long way in altering our school of thought and for the next generation as well. If we don't, we will still have to see our children migrate to 'phoreen' country and rave and rant about how organized it is, how clean it is while someone still continues dumping garbags 5ft outside an overflowing street dustbin, while compounds of some unfortunate building turn into well, toilets

Yes it's a layered country, far too many people with obstinate mind sets to change. But is so wish it does. I guess we all wish it does...

An ode to Mrs, Saleh...

Back in Jr. 1 in school, we had a class teacher called Mrs. Saleh. Now a little thing about me. I used to talk a LOT back then... I still do, but it's absolutely nothing to how much i used to as a kid. Motor-mouth would probably justify it.

Mrs. Saleh was an expert is reading children simply because she was a teacher at the kindergarten level for 30-35 years. And that's saying a lot considering how children are. And if the child's like, well, me!

At one PTA meeting, my mom asked Mrs. Saleh what my behaviour at class is like. She promptly replied "Mrs. Rao, your daughter has a long tongue and is very very easily distracted." Now, one would think that certain things do change over a period of time. Not with me, it didn't. Oh no no...

Like in 9th, our class teacher, Mrs. Vandana Dayal told me "Sneha, you talk without a comma or a fullstop." I can't help it! I have so much to say all the time... Anything... useless, useful, senseless, sensible, funny, silly, serious... anything...  always something...

But i am digressing now... The reason i am writing this is that a certain incident yesterday reminded me of those words that Mrs. Saleh told my mum. You know this game klueless? Yeah, it's tough. But what it needs is patience. And love for puzzles. Now for a person like ME, who has neither much patience nor a love for puzzles, solving this 'online treasure hunt' can be quite an irritant. And i get so curious about the answer that i start asking this friend who always always manages to solve the entire game... Poor guy couldn't understand how i wouldn't solve these puzzles and every sentence of his was punctuated with at least 4 exclamation marks.... I don't blame him. :)  I really have pretty bad concentration levels with things that don't interest me much. Thanks Harsha for your patient help, but I GIVE UP.. The game's so not for me. I'd rather be writing or reading or whatever... Just no klueless... Way too much pressure!

But Mrs. Saleh, how right you were about me and still are... I met you once and was glad i did. Because a few months later i was told that you were no more.. You were an incredibly incisive and fantastic teacher and it's my privilege to have learnt under you...

World's most bizzare situation...

Taking scripts for serials to an entirely new level, a new serial as developed a storyline wherein GirlA agrees to let her best friend, GirlB, get married to the man of GirlA's dreams. Why would someone do that? All this, in one room, with no one except the GirlA's mother and an idiotic aunt as witness to this disaster. And all this with absolutely no concern about the groom's wish. Poor thing, sits in the mantap thinking that he's getting married to GirlA while its GirlB next to him all the while....

Looks like these script writers take their brains out while writing. Miserable to watch, i'm forced to get back to my  room when this serial begins. Each scene is following be an overly melodramatic music. And extra long shots of the shocked/depressed/helpless/happy/whatever expressions of the characters. Each step that the girl takes is captured as a 10 second shot, accompanied by some more melodramatic music of course....

Seriously, get yourselves some creativity people...! This is sheer nonsense! Bah!

Food!

I love food. It's as simple as that. It's the one thing that can make the world go around for me. Probably now it comes second to love. But still, food can make or break my day. And while i completely appreciate the intensive intrinsic food we prepare in India, what with the sheer number of spices and complex cooking methods, its the simple easy to prepare dishes that are so much more delicious. They also score an extra point or two because you don't have to labor over them. And i love trying out new recipes. Almost like a destresser. And it's especially great when you try things and it turns out to be so fabulously tasty... Like what i tried today. Baked mushrooms in some usual stuff. You could try this out, in case (1) you are reading this :P (2) you like mushrooms

Take a bunch of mushrooms and cut them in half if they're big and leave the small ones alone.
In a bowl, mix 2 tbsp of vegetable oil,  1 tsp of vinegar, 1 tsp soya sauce, 1 finely chopped clove of garlic, some chilli paste, half an onion sliced length wise.
Mix in the mushrooms and let this stand for an hour or so.
Put in a bit of salt, and go a bit easy on this as the soy sauce is salty by itself.
Now cook this in the microwave for a minute and place the entire mix into a baking dish.
Put tiny bits of butter all over the mushrooms and grill for 25-30 minutes.

This turns into a mellow, silky, buttery dish which can be eaten all be itself. It's so pleasantly light and warm. And smells so damn good while it's cooking. Please please do try this.

And there's nothing better than pineapples grilled with wine and cinnamon, eaten with vanilla ice cream. I have to make do with pineapple icecream today but it's ok. Still good.

And there goes my Saturday. Some thing good to end the day after being so depressed that Sandeep was doing all the shifting with so much stuff that we bought over the last month. Not that he has to move it himself but there's just so much to do... Great. Now i feel much worse to know i've eaten all that while he was cleaning the apt and handling the packing stuff... ugh! :(

Now we want Water, now we don't...

Water... Serene yet fierce. Flowing with force and yet still. Murky and clear. A vital giver of life and a taker of one.

Seeing the water deluge in Karnataka and Andhra Pradesh over the last week, I am left speechless. I don't know about AndhraPradesh, but the areas in Karnataka which have been flooded are known to be dry beds. And to think that people living there are battling life due to floods is a real stunner. And this is the worst flood in over a century in the state.

For people in those areas, farmers and others alike, it is such irony. The farmers crave for water to irrigate their fields and earn their livelihood. The other civilians make do with water being supplied for just one day every week. Now they have SO much water, flooded in thanks to a far off typoon and the Tungabhadra, that all they can do is pray that they don't get any more. Imagine craving for water all year long and when you finally get it, you don't want it anymore.

Roads cave in, homes made with years and years of saving are washed away, people wade through neck high water, cattle swim about fervously confused by a sudden change in environment, people buried underneath collapsed houses...

It's sad that here's just so much damage. And there's nothing anyone can do about it.

Evokes a feeling of helplessness. Just pure helplessness.

The black cat that crossed the road and other such superstitions...

A black cat crosses the road your path and you stop... cursing the cat for having crossed the road you realise you have 2 choices (a) wait where you are for 10 mins before walking ahead(b) take 7 steps back. All this to ward off the bad effect the black cat cast upon you just because it walked across the road.
This is such a weird practice isn't it? One accuses the cat of 2 things. Of being born a cat and of being born black. I don't think this happens with white cats, grey cats, brown cats or cats of any other colour. Why was the black cat singled out? Me thinks it was because it's black.

Me also thinks that cats are adorable animals. They're graceful, sharp, funnily playful and purr so nicely. So why should a black cat be seen as an evil thing which will spoil your day if it crosses your path? A black cat has crossed my path, i didn't stop or retread and something bad did NOT happen to me because of it.

Now, when droughts occur due to climatic changes, frogs are thought to be harbringers of rain. Why?? Because they revel and croak joyously when it rains? And what do people do when it doesn't rain? They catch hold of 2 frogs and get them married. Poor frogs.
Do humans who do this ensure that one is a 'boy' frog and one is a 'girl' frog. What if they are mistaken and get 2 'boy' frogs or 2 'girl' frogs married. :D
Well, that's not the point. The point is, what kind of a demented mind would think that getting 2 frogs married will bring rain? And then there are the frogs, cursing humans for picking them up from the pond, clasping them tightly in their hands lest the frogs hop away and conduct an alien (to the frogs) marriage ceremony.
1. Do frogs even think of marriage?
2. What makes humans assume that frogs will wish that the rains pour down if they torment them that way? Theyd'd probably wish for just the opposite for having pulled them out of their comfort zone.

Heard of women being married off to dogs and trees? The dog-woman marriage came in a movie and the tree-woman marriage became a big issue when it was claimed that an extremely popular actress was married off to it. All this so that the 'bad influence' that she carries with her is warded off? Warded off to what? The helpless tree and the so-not-thankful-about-the-marriage dog? I'm sure the trees and dogs will take the 'bad influence', multiply it by a 1000 and send it back to everyone around them. If that can actually happen...

So through all this, while us human folks build our lives on superstitions, the animals are hoping that we are fester and die and let them live in peace. Talk about bringing in goodwill to our lives huh...

While our beautiful country becomes richer, technologically advanced, changes for the better we don't seem to want to let go of practices which make no sense. I really wish people would stop making such fools of themselves in front of animals by not following these mindless practices. At the end of the day, that's what it is. Just a mindless superstition...

The irony of time...

Remember as a kid when we used to watch grown-ups being allowed to do things we were never allowed to do? Hearing something like "You're too young for this" or "She is allowed to because she is much older", was so common. Almost everything that we wanted to do was met with a firm "No".

Ok so we grew older. What we couldn't do at 5 we were allowed to at 10. What we couldn't at 10 we did at 15. Which means that when we were kids we kept wanted to grow older because we thought that those elder to us had lives that were so much fun and ours', at that age, was just plain boring...
I remember vividly when i was in school to have wanted to desperately to complete studying and begin working. Imagine the freedom and money! (it was actually just the money and the doing away with exams). I bet there are many who thought the same way.

Getting a job, first salary, the first day of shopping with earned money was an awesome experience. Getting the independence that was craved for since childhood finally came true. Revelling in it, we took firmer strides forward in our 'work-life'.
And then the realization set in that we didn't really have the independence of childhood. Sleeping late into the day is now termed as childish. We don't get to spend as much time with friends as we used to. Idle afternoons do not exist and most importantly, there are no summer holidays!
And now, we do not want to grow older any more! ha! We always wanted to so far, didn't we?

Now, growing older is synonymous with greying, wrinkles, gaining more weight than what we have already gained, kids (aaaa...!), and finally senility! How ironic, isn't it? What we always wanted, we don't any more..
So now, we see kids and envy them. While they look at us and envy us. :P We have the money, we have grown up but we still wanna go home, throw our bags and run out to play. Come to think of it, if we did that it'd be pretty funny.

But life is just what one's perspective makes of it anyway.

Serendipity

2 and a half months ago, my life resembled that of a still lake. Not many ripples. Just being the way it is. In short, placid... 2 and a half months ago, i was sent on a long pending short term onsite (Philadelphia), which lasted all of 2 weeks.
Apart from going to complete some assignment, i was to meet this man i had been chatting with for a week.
We spoke, both in disbelief that i was actually flying to Philly. This was far too coincidental.
No onsite travel from my company is complete without delays, last minute surprises, manager's sudden realisation that the entire setup would be in UK but i'd be travelling to the US, so on and so forth. This obviously resulted in much, although avoidable, confusion. Amidst all of this, there seemed to be something that propelled me towards my journey.
Preparations galore, last minute checks, and i was off. Sitting in the airport with lots of time to spare, i thought about this person i was going to meet. Someone who was an absolute stranger a week ago but was now a good friend. 22 hours of flight were filled with 'butterflies in the stomach' feeling.
So I land, after some really good chocolate mousse cake, and enter an almost empty lobby. I hoped to recognise him through 2 photographs. No one. I walked around, strange new place, damn 'international roaming activated for incoming calls only' was not latching onto any network. Vodafone sucks. Might as well say this while i'm on that topic. I walked down and got the airport helpdesk to call a number. I hear a voice which says "Hey! Welcome.. I'll be there in 10 minutes". Ok so i wait again. Like 22 hours was not enough, right?
And finally we meet. Pleansantries exchanged and all... And then began my whirlwind of a 2 week stint in Philadelphia.
Sandeep, the person i went to meet, and I got along like a house on fire. We spoke almost almost everyday till 12 or 1 in the night. Unheard of from me, for those who know me well. We spoke about almost everything under the sun. And then 4 days after we met, we realised that we should be married. 11 days after we began speaking. That one day, that one decision has changed me life completely. As has similar decisions in others' lives, i'm sure.
I found a friend, a confidant, a life partner all in less than 2 weeks. Strange are the ways of love. Work, which i went onsite for (need to say this because almost no one believes that i went there on work), faded into the background. No amount of nonsensical confusion took anything away from those magical evenings in Philadelphia. If i were in bangalore while that confusion at work prevailed, i'd have been cursing life, people, everything. But as i said, love's strange. Makes the world go around, as they say.
This entire fiasco has made me believe that there is some thing called as Destiny. Something that kept delaying that onsite till Sandeep and I were to meet. Something that made me travel despite wanting to for 2 years only to meet him.
Which is why i've named this post as Seredipity. The dictionary defines this word as 'The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident'. And this is just what it was... An extremely beautiful and fortunate discovery..

Until then...

And there I stood, circled by the others

They know me as I was, not as I am.

The metamorphosis is invisible to them

They stand there with their fingers pointing at me

They seem to say something which I cannot decipher

They want me to be something but they don’t know what

They are a world apart. A void between them and me

They don’t know my world. I wish they did.

They judge me. Their pre-conceived notion plagues their mind from knowing ME.

I smile. And they accuse me of doing so.

Can the mind ever be free from illusions?

Will they ever learn to take others as they are?

They want a perfect life. They want the cake and want to eat it too.

One day they shall see the difference between them and me.

But, until then I shall still be surrounded by them

With them looking at me accusingly

They do not know why

In their eyes I am wrong and they are right.

When will you understand the value of the individual?

Do you want to create clones?

When will the time come?

But, until then I shall be surrounded by them

Until then I shall walk steadfast on my own path.

A path filled with respect to oneself and to others.

A love unknown to others

A path free of prejudices

Until then they shall stare at me as if I am an alien.

There shall be few on my path. But, many more on the other

Until then we shall walk on separate roads. We shall lead separate lives.

My world unknown to you, your world known by me.

Until then I shall be surrounded by them.

With their fingers pointing at me……