Here's a perfect example of how redundant most customs are in today's generation but are still followed with feverish stupor. I've been trying to understand all the rituals that will take place in our wedding. I do not know whether the others will have relevance or not but here are 2 which just make me laugh.
Ritual 1. Kashi Yatre: Now there are 2 variations to this story.
(a): The boy packs his bags and heads off to Kashi to pursue studies. And in olden times, pursuing studies meant treading the spiritual path and sacrificing worldly bonds. So his family persuades him to stay back and finds a suitable girl for him to marry. So the entire 'ritual', would include bringing the boy back and getting him prepared for the wedding.
(b): Now this is a funny one. The boy gets upset that his family is not getting him married and packs his bags and begins to leave. This is when the maternal uncle of the girl steps in, persuades him to not go and says that he will get him married to his niece.
I have a problem trying to effectively apply this to now. Neither is Sandeep packing his bags to pursue his studies nor is he upset that no one's getting him married. The love of my life is right now enduring a 24 hour flight journey, currently en route over the Atlantic to reach Bangalore for his wedding. To think that he'd come here only to pack his bags and leave for Kashi is so ridiculousy funny! And i don't think any guy would want to walk away from his own marriage.. Hehe... :)
Laughable, yes. Applicable, no. Endurable, yes. Relevant, no.
Ritual 2. Jeerge-Dhaare : This one says that the first time the boy and girl see each other's face is when the antara parde held up by the purohits is let down. At this time, the fistful of jeerge-akki that the couple hold in their hands must be put onto the other's head.
- Exactly who holds the impression that the first time that Sandeep and I would be seeing each other will be at that moment?! Please, meet me. I promise i will drive that notion away for you. Perhaps the akki-jeerge is a symbol of warding off evil or something like that. I am yet to understand what it's for. But i know one thing for sure. In today's world, where the boy and the girl meet often prior to the wedding, this is a redundant thing. It's like pretending that there's no enemy because you've put your head in the sand. Essentially, no one does this with complete belief. Through all this, a whole new twist to the ritual has been made. That who ever, groom or bride, puts the akki-jeerge first will be the dominant one in the relationship...!
Laughable, yes. Applicable, no. Endurable, yes. Relevant, no.
Ritual 3. Bidadi Mane: This is where a room in the choultry is used to keep necessary household items for the bride to set up home by herself. You know why this has no relevance to us now?
- We wont be setting up home here. The utensils kept will not be carried back by us. And since it wont be of much use to us the whole thing will be done just for the heck of it.
Ritual 4: In olden times one party of the marriage would arrive from another village and stay in someone's house. Under these circumstances they were provided with all items for daily hygiene such as soap, comb, oil, etc. Now, in today's times i would believe that most people come to a marriage hall with all these items packed. Simply because one does not go for an overnight stay unprepared. Arranging for all these items and giving it as part of some 'shastra' is so peculiar. "Here's your toothbrush, toothpaste, oil, comb, powder...."
What is really relevant and is done with eyes blindfolded? Sapthapadi. This is where the girl takes 7 steps and the boy makes promises to her at each step, sealing the promise with a toe ring. Why the ring on the 2nd toe only, i do not know. But i would take this to be the most relevant 'ritual'. However, in today's world, most couples would just do it with absolutely no idea of the mantras the purohit is saying and thereby the promises they are making to each other.
It's sad that the one day the couple thinks so much of is reduced to something that's tiring. I've heard enough of 'you'll have no idea of whats going on'. I'm sure it'll hold it's weightage well too...
This is what the tumultuous affair does. Once it begins it just makes you want to 'be done with it'. It may be inevitable, but i sure hope i don't come out of it with that feeling...
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